Top ten answering machine Messages

10. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine – this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling…. and I’ll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a “sexy” message, I’ll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I’m probably home; I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

1. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slow. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll call you back.

3 thoughts on “Top ten answering machine Messages

  1. An even better one:
    You have called the animal protection institute, we accept your 100 dollar donation, you have helped to secure the survival of the black rhino

  2. Hey John. It’s Rich From Maryland how are you? I spoken to you many times and even peurhascd your detailing products for my Professional detailing business. I really have been enjoying this venue that you set up here on your website. Tell me what do the present Dallas Cowboys need to do in order to find that greatness that was displayed back when you were playing and protcecting roger and co? John. I’ve also drawn up a very unique design that encompases the 5 super bowl victories that the cowboys have attained. My unique design can be put on jackets T-shirts bumper Stickers Rear window decals coffee cup mugs etc. Was wondering if you could help me in the right direction to get this going because it’s definitely a tremendous looking design. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Rich You could please call me at 301-675-2895 or thanks

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