Top 10 Diseases That Would Make A Better World

10. Aqua-Intox

A mental disorder that causes you to suffer the effects of liquor no matter what you are drinking.

“Happy hour, every hour!”

9. Spontaneous Invisibility

Random bouts of dissappearing.

“Its like a world of magicians without all the douchiness.”

8. Visible Flatulence (random colors)

Colorful, gaseous fumes from the rectum.

“Your farts are purple! Awesome.”

7. Explosive Perspiration

The sudden blast of sweat from all pores.

“I am so sorry about dinner, my Explosive Perspiration is acting up again.”

6. GlowSkin

A skin disease that causes all areas of the epidermis to glow brightly in the dark.

“Hey, invite Jim to the rave…he’s got GlowSkin!”

5.  Irritable Jowel Syndrome

The uncontrollable jaw movement that makes the sufferer resemble those wind-up chattering teeth.


4. Sporadic Miniaturism

The temporary sudden reduction in complete body size.

Carnie – “You must be this tall to ride this ride.”

Next in Line Person – “Give me a minute, my Sporadic Miniaturism just kicked in.”

3. Autoregenerative Comestible Mucilaginous Tongue

A disease that transforms the patients tongue into an edible, gummi-like food that regenerates over time and can be the source of continuous nourishment.

“A peesh of pie? O anks…I gush ay mah kung.”

2. Upper-Torso Body-Morphomania

The mental condition that allows a female to control her upper body measurements simply by thought.

Wife – “Honey, should I go as an A-cup or a B-cup tonight?”

Husband – “D.”

1. Eldorado Fecal Expulsion Syndrome

The ability to defecate a soft metal with the same purities of gold.

“Money, yeah I got money. I crap gold, son…WHAT!”

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