Top 10 Diseases That Would Make A Better World

10. Aqua-Intox

A mental disorder that causes you to suffer the effects of liquor no matter what you are drinking.

“Happy hour, every hour!”

9. Spontaneous Invisibility

Random bouts of dissappearing.

“Its like a world of magicians without all the douchiness.”

8. Visible Flatulence (random colors)

Colorful, gaseous fumes from the rectum.

“Your farts are purple! Awesome.”

7. Explosive Perspiration

The sudden blast of sweat from all pores.

“I am so sorry about dinner, my Explosive Perspiration is acting up again.”

6. GlowSkin

A skin disease that causes all areas of the epidermis to glow brightly in the dark.

“Hey, invite Jim to the rave…he’s got GlowSkin!”

5.  Irritable Jowel Syndrome

The uncontrollable jaw movement that makes the sufferer resemble those wind-up chattering teeth.

“Chit-chit-chit-chit-chit-chit-chit…”

4. Sporadic Miniaturism

The temporary sudden reduction in complete body size.

Carnie – “You must be this tall to ride this ride.”

Next in Line Person – “Give me a minute, my Sporadic Miniaturism just kicked in.”

3. Autoregenerative Comestible Mucilaginous Tongue

A disease that transforms the patients tongue into an edible, gummi-like food that regenerates over time and can be the source of continuous nourishment.

“A peesh of pie? O anks…I gush ay mah kung.”

2. Upper-Torso Body-Morphomania

The mental condition that allows a female to control her upper body measurements simply by thought.

Wife – “Honey, should I go as an A-cup or a B-cup tonight?”

Husband – “D.”

1. Eldorado Fecal Expulsion Syndrome

The ability to defecate a soft metal with the same purities of gold.

“Money, yeah I got money. I crap gold, son…WHAT!”

Hillarious Jokes

Writing

Bob was writing something very slowly.
His Friend asked: Why are you writing so slowly?
Bob: I’m writing to my 6 year old son, he can’t read very fast.

Education

Mother to Teenage Daughter: I think its time that we talk about sex.
Daughter : Yes Mom, What do you want to know?.

Who’s Guilty

A Wife is sleeping, in the middle of the night, she suddenly shouts: “Get up, quickly my husband is here!!!”
The man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himself and then realizes “Damn, I am the husband!!!”
Who’s guilty in the situation?

Cabaret Dance

A boy goes to see a cabaret dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: “Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?”

Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

Moonlight

Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: The Moon
Teacher: Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only during daytime when we don’t need it.

Race

Blond: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner gets a prize
Blond: If only the winner will get the prize, why are the others running?

Write a comment If you want some more :)

The worst computer viruses of all time.

If you haven’t experienced a computer virus yet, just wait — you probably will.

Fortunately, you missed the real heyday of computer viruses when anti-virus software wasn’t very widely used, and virus attacks caused millions of dollars in damages overnight. Today’s viruses can still be nightmarish, but for the average user, cleanup is considerably easier than it was just a few years ago, when the only solution in many cases was reformatting your hard drive and starting from scratch (and even that didn’t do the trick sometimes).

So join me on a trip down memory lane as we revisit some of the worst viruses of all time and count our blessings that our computers are still up and running despite it all. (Though, please note, “worst” is a matter of considerable debate in the security industry, as the number of infected machines and amount of financial loss is always estimated. If you think another virus was worse than these, please post it in the comments to remind us!)

The worst viruses of all time

Brain, 1986

It all started here: Brain was the first “real” virus ever discovered, back in 1986. Brain didn’t really hurt your PC, but it launched the malware industry with a bang and gave bad ideas to over 100,000 virus creators for the next 2 decades.

Michelangelo, 1991

The worst MS-DOS virus ever, Michelangelo attacked the boot sector of your hard drive and any floppy drive inserted into the computer, which caused the virus to spread rapidly. After spreading quietly for months, the virus “activated” on March 6, and promptly started destroying data on tens of thousands of computers.

Melissa, 1999
Technically a worm, Melissa (named after a stripper) collapsed entire email systems by causing computers to send mountains of messages to each other. The author of the virus was eventually caught and sentenced to 20 months in prison.

ILOVEYOU, 2000

This was notable for being one of the first viruses to trick users into opening a file, which in this case claimed to be a love letter sent to the recipient. In reality, the file was a VBS script that sent mountains of junk mail and deleted thousands of files. The results were terribly devastating- one estimate holds that 10 percent of all computers were affected, to a cost of $5.5 billion. It remains perhaps the worst worm of all time.

Code Red, 2001

An early “blended threat” attack, Code Red targeted Web servers instead of user machines, defacing websites and later launching denial-of-service attacks on a host of IP addresses, including those of the White House.

Nimda, 2001

Built on Code Red’s attack system of finding multiple avenues into machines (email, websites, network connections, and others), Nimda infected both Web servers and user machines. It found paths into computers so effectively that, 22 minutes after it was released, it became the Internet’s most widespread virus at the time.

Klez, 2001

An email virus, Klez pioneered spoofing the “From” field in email messages it sent, making it impossible to tell if Bill Gates did or did not really send you that information about getting free money.

Slammer, 2003

Another fast spreader, this worm infected about 75,000 systems in just 10 minutes, slowing the Internet to a crawl (much like Code Red) and shutting down thousands of websites.

MyDoom, 2004

Notable as the fastest-spreading email virus of all time, MyDoom infected computers so they would, in turn, send even more junk mail. In a strange twist, MyDoom was also used to attack the website of SCO Group, a very unpopular company that was suing other companies over its code being used in Linux distributions.

Storm, 2007
The worst recent virus, Storm spread via email spam with a fake attachment and ultimately infected up to 10 million computers, causing them to join its zombie botnet.

Thanks to Symantec for helping to compile this list.

Making Screenshots of Videos


 

For RealPlayer, you will need to turn off the optimized display. You can do this by running RealPlayer, clicking on View -> Preferences, going to the Performance tab, unchecking the box labeled “Use optimized video display”, hitting OK, and restarting RealPlayer. Now you may make take a screenshot by pressing the [ALT + PRNTSCRN] combination. You can paste this screenshot into any graphics editing program (e.g. MS Paintbrush) and save the file. When you are done taking screenshots, you should re-enable the optimized video display because this makes videos play smoother and look better.

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For Windows Media Player, you have to disable Hardware Acceleration. You can do this in Windows Media Player 6.4 and later by clicking on View -> Options and moving the Hardware Acceleration slider to None. You can do this in Windows Media Player 7 by clicking on Tools -> Options, going to the Performance tab, moving the Hardware Acceleration slider to None, and restarting Windows Media Player. For Windows Media Player 10, to get to the acceleration option it is slightly different; go to Tools > Options > Performance > Scroll the bar at the bottoms.

Now you may make take a screenshot by pressing the [ALT + PRNTSCRN] combination. You can paste this screenshot into any graphics editing program (e.g. MS Paintbrush) and save the file. When you are done taking screenshots, you should move the Hardware Acceleration slider back to Full because this makes videos play smoother and look better.

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For Mac, with the movie in normal size (not the cmd-F fullscreen size, just for better quality and smaller image size) just pause the movie when you want, in most of software with space bar, and hit cmd-shift-4 (the upper 4, not the numeric pad). A cross will appear to let you select the part of the screen to capture. (Note: with 3, you capture the whole screen).
It will create a .jpg .tiff or, most probably under OSX, a .pdf file on your desktop. As it’s customary to send jpegs here for that kind of things, drop it on any graphic application (Photoshop style, but even Preview will do) and save (or export) it as a jpeg with a quality of 50 on 100 — or 5 on 10.

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To make more professional screenshots:

You need image grabber ll.

This will enable you to have a title, details about the movie (size, format, length etc) as well as screenshots taken at regular intervals with timestamps on them.

Step 1: Open imagegrabber ll.
Step 2: Click file and open the movie you want to make screen caps of.
Step 3: After opening the movie press the “little black tv button”.
Step 4: When the dialog pops up choose the number of screencaps you want to make and press “OK”.
Step 5: click “File”, then click “Save file”, name it and choose a directory to save it to.
Step 6: Upload the image to an image hosting site (imageshack.us)
Step 7: And you are done. 😉

Thank You.